i know i’m supposed to start studying for my finals but i’m just simply not in the right mood.

i know i know.

you really don’t have to be in the mood or anything.

you just have to do it.

like a some sort of resistance training.

and in the end it’ll be for the better so yeah.

at the moment. i am waiting for my application outcome.

got rejected once already. hopefully this one will have a sort of better outcome.

but nahh. i dunno.

they say that they got an overwhelming response.

and thus i dunno what to make up of “an overwhelming response”

i am guessing it is a really good or really bad thing.

but i’ll know the results by monday afternoon.

but yeah. that’ll be really depressing if it’s a “nein”

well. that’s it. i’ve tried. it’s all up to them.

i guess it’s not too bad being a bum for a good 3 months.

so sorry for my random talk..

i don’t feel like being dodgy and artsy at the moment.

i am just tired.

i feel like i’m at the middle nowhere. it’s not that i’ve actually got a destination in mind or like a huge goal that i’d like to attain. i’m just here. ravaged by people’s thoughts and day to day battles. somehow they kind of like got me into their own worlds. their own pains and joys.

but. i don’t have my own. i couldn’t drag people in my own paradiso. i simply do not have my own. i am just dragged and swept by the waves in my friends’ sea of thoughts .

i guess that where i get my life from. from them.
there is just so much colour whenever i’m a part (no matter how miniscule it may be) of their crazy scenarios in life.
it’s like i turn into a bright purple whenever they’re there. but with just myself i am just a lone grey. aloof. and all wondering where all my friends are.

it may seem that i wouldnt have my own. but i still reckon i do. it’s just that prolly i am just a collection of stories gathered from everyone. and that i am made into a unity. just like a piece-wise function.
i suppose i could be a catalyst as well. somehow.
but i don’t think it’s that gloomy.
it’s probably my purpose.
sounds a bit sad. since i’ve always thought i will be someone really significant [or was i just being an ignorant child]
but then hey. it’s not that bad.
oh here we go again. i’m in circles again.

till then.

i accidentally said something without knowing it was actually a sear word.

plus.

i think a friend really took it seriously that i am not in good terms with the people back in my homeland.

i guess i need to shut up for a bit.

i got a week of revisions and after that i’ll be having all my exams in one go.

like all of them in four days.

then i’ll be free.

it’s just that i’m not entirely in the mood for studying at all.

i’ll treat myself with a nice pair of jeans or a good shirt if i stayed quiet throughout next week.

*phew*.

help me!

i’ve been trying to catch up with my lectures and readings all this time

and now it’s already taking a toll on me.

i’ve been ridiculously sleepy by like 5pm.

i don’t know.

i just feel like lying down and getting my comfy blanket to cover all of me.

ooh. sweet warmth.

till then.

i don’t need that boy in my life

i don’t wanna talk it out or hold him when he cries

i don’t wanna say that he’s my kind

i don’t wanna say that he’s mine

i don’t wanna tell him that…

at least pops is being all considerate.

he really loves you a lot mum.

that i don’t like you one bit.

i know i should be at least worrying about my last exam.

but here i am.

scribbling a note.

listening to chasing cars.

it’s just …

i don’t know.

too calm?

i hope i wouldn’t be butchered to pieces during my exam.

…

anyway.

i should be off to my journey to freedom.

alas. .

a month of nothing.

such a good feeling.

till then.

but barely breathing.

It’s been a long time since I’ve updated this wordpress/online diary/ hidden stash of random lines and thoughts.

And because of that, I shall fastforward everything to now. In the blink of an eye…

I am now in my last week of the semester. In a span of few days, I’d be in revision weeks. After a few breakdown moments, I’ll have to take my chemistry and maths exams.

I’m currently having the monthly pains, girls always get squirmy and anxious about.

I’m almost done with my research report. (Well it’s a group project actually. Funny thing is that the main part of our report is 20 pages and the appendices are twice that. )

I’m about to start with my revision of chemistry and maths. (In the hopes of getting a decent grade.)

I’m almost there.

Anyway, I had a talk with my brother (who’s starting his 1st year in uni this june) about me going back home during the summer holidays. I told him that I might not be able to since I signed for a rent contract for a year. Suppose that I fly back to my place by late november, I’d still have to pay the rent weekly. AND THAT IS A TOTAL RIP-OFF. [I don't want to pay for something I'm not even using. That's just WRONG.] And he reminded me, that it’s much better for me to stay here and get a job during the holidays. Well I just really hope I get one. Or else, it’s going to be boredom to the highest levels for three months.

I know it’s still quite far from now but I need to start thinking about because of the plane tickets. These freaking tickets get more and more expensive each freaking week!

So yeah.

I guess it’ll be a whole year for me here.

Or more likely two years.

Not sure.

We’ll see when I get there.

One more thing, I realised. I need a decent laptop. I can’t live off with an uber small netbook.

haha. I’ ve already survived a year of my engineering life without having a good laptop. take that!